AngryGayBlackCanadianman

One topic a lot of gay men don’t want to discuss is the issue around bisexual men entering the gay male social sphere. There is indeed some friction between gay men and bisexual men due to mistrust. Some gays men believe the bisexual men are just in denial about their true sexual orientation. I believe male bisexuality does exist. Even some heterosexual women have a distrust for bisexual men they don’t believe a man can truly be bisexual.

I believe sexuality is fluid and a continuum there is no on or off switch. I am sure there are men that are sexually attracted to both sexes and are not “confused”. Women wonder why some men that have sex with men get married but society is part to blame. Maybe some of these men that marry women truly are bisexual and they want to have children and also form relationships with the opposite sex?

Even in Canada despite the social barriers around male homosexuality breaking down an invisible barrier still exists. The message the mainstream society sends about male homosexuality is that it is still immoral and wrong. Same Sex Marriage may be legal in Canada but for some gay men gay marriage is simply not an option. Even for bisexual men they may not be interested in gay marriage either.

I never jumped on the whole gay marriage bandwagon I have zero interest. I believe the mainstream media always attempted to find the most boring oatmeal gay couples that conformed to compulsory heterosexuality. I recall the news reports about the gay couples that lived in the picturesque houses, windswept streets, with green manicured lawns, antique furniture, and the little miniature toy dog running around the house. The message was a Hallmark card screaming “we are just like everyone else”.

Is this really true though? Are gay people just like heterosexual people? Of course in some aspects gays and straights are similar we are human beings that all want love and compassion.

However, I always felt that society still has a distrust for male homosexuality there is a dirty residue that exists. Maybe I don’t want to be like Bill and Bob and live in downtown Toronto in my huge house and live the oatmeal raisin bread life mimicking heterosexuality. Maybe I want to be the dirty slut and whore that lives life on my own terms that sends a fuck you salute to society.

Gay marriage in Canada has of course provided benefits for gay couples and more equilibrium between heterosexuals and homosexual couples in Canada. The reasons gay people want to get married are indeed legitimate for financial and also ethical concerns. The issue of spousal benefits, wills, even visiting a partner in the hospital are important to gay couples. There is also the social affirmation that a gay marriage and relationship is not inferior, abhorrent, or deleterious it is based on real love. I do believe if gay couples want to marry they deserve the right to. However, the whole hysteria around gay marriage never interested me at all. Perhaps it is due to my age? I don’t know? I do know that a marriage is a contract it isn’t just about “love”.

I honestly can’t say if I am ever going to get married or not. I don’t know if I would want to marry another man anyway.  Isn’t love enough? I believe Same Sex marriage has become too political and the love aspect has been diminished. A marriage shouldn’t be about politics. I haven’t met anyone yet that I truly believe I would want to marry anyway. I’ve had a few relationships that never became anything serious. The last guy I went out with a few years ago he was twice my age that’s a long story. I’m not getting into today. Anyway, Marriage is not just a piece of paper it is an agreement to honor your partner with love and devotion.

A few days ago I was on the internet and I noticed a lot of ads on a gay male website posted by married men. The interesting issue about married men is some of these guys believe declaring that they are married is a badge of honor. The married label is a way for these men to state they aren’t really “gay”. My opinion is if I know a man is married I don’t want to meet or talk to him. I always ask the men I am interested in if they are married or not. I always ask because I want to know this is my personal choice. It isn’t about being noble or anything it is just a way for me to figure out what my options are. I am just not interested in all that drama and baggage. Why should I deal with a man that wants his cake and eat it to?

However, for some gay men they appear to get a rush a real sexual charge knowing a man is “married”. I think for some gay men have the ideology they can “pleasure” a married man better then his wife can. Some gay men have the fantasy that they are better lovers then the heterosexual spouse and eventually the married man will leave his wife for his gay lover. However, it rarely happens because most married men never leave their wives. Who wants to be the other lover? Why would anyone want to be the other man on the side? An alternative argument is that the married men on the gay websites are being honest to a certain extent because they are letting gay men know they are indeed not single.

I think it is a false sense of sincerity though. I squirm when I watch television and I see these married men attempt to rationalize why they cruise on gay websites. Why lie to a gay man and claim you aren’t married when you really are? Why marry a woman and lie to her? Why waste a woman’s time? I can understand why women are angry and pissed when they find out their husbands are cruising online on gay websites. All the wife needs to do is check the history section on the computer and she can easily find out exactly where her husband has been surfing the internet anyway. I honestly believe if a woman thinks her man is gay chances are he probably is. If you have that gut instinct that feeling that your man isn’t tell you the truth you just know. Also, a confrontation is necessary and check to see if the guy becomes visibly nervous.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know Tracy Chapman is a lesbian. So why is Chapman still reticent after all these years? Chapman has sold millions of albums, is a multiple Grammy award winner, and a black lesbian feminist icon. Its not like Chapman’s audience is oblivious that she’s gay.

Another interesting fact about Tracy Chapman is that her core audience is white and not black. Even though Chapman sings about racism and other forms of discrimination in her work she never was accepted or embraced by the black community.

I think some black people just didn’t “connect” with Tracy Chapman perhaps due to homophobia and sexism. I think most black people already know Tracy is a lesbian and believe lesbianism is not palatable. Another reason the black community doesn’t like Tracy Chapman is due to the fact she is a folk rock singer and not an R&B and soul singer. Some blacks say Tracy Chapman is acting white and that’s such bullshit.

Why can’t a black entertainer breakthrough stereotypes? I applaud Tracy Chapman for having her own vision and being extremely successful. Why should all black singers just sound like Mary J Blige or Beyonce? Isn’t this boring? Musical taste is a personal choice and preference its just interesting that many blacks have shunned Chapman for so many years.

Why has Tracy Chapman been on the cover of Rolling Stone but not Essence, Upscale or Ebony Magazine? Although Tracy doesn’t discuss this its got to hurt that her own race disrespects her this way. Tracy Chapman is a legend it is so horrible that black people have no respect for this legend. Chapman was never really embraced by the black media, black community for a variety of reasons. Another reason I believe Tracy Chapman wasn’t accepted by the black community is due to her androgynous appearance.

Another point to consider is the black media can be very myopic at times. Tracy Chapman was never treated fairly by the press in the black community. Tracy was often ignored on black radio, BET, black magazines and newspapers. Tracy Chapman is an incredible artist a black woman that defied the odds. Chapman is a music superstar she shattered through the pop world and claimed her place and audience. Chapman’s tours are very successful and yet the black race ignored her due to prejudice. Tracy has never denied her blackness she has always been a proud black woman and yet blacks still treat her badly.

Why is the representation of “black music” so limiting? I think there is more to black music then just R&B and hip hop. However, black radio and the people in the black media still promote less talented artists then Tracy Chapman. I think if the black media did make the effort Tracy Chapman could of had a larger black audience. I do wish black radio, black TV was a bit more open about different musical formats. I mean why isn’t Meshell N’Degeocello on BET more often?

Now Tracy Chapman has never denied she is a lesbian but she hasn’t exactly been open about her sexuality either. I understand Tracy has a career and she has a right to a private life. However, given the fact that black gays and lesbians we have so little visibility in the mainstream it would be nice if Tracy was more open.

By now I am sure everyone knows that Alice Walker the famous bisexual author/feminist talked about her former lover Chapman in an interview with the UK newspaper The Guardian. Here is the link: http://books.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,1972800,00.html

Luther Vandross situation is similar to Tracy Chapman but Vandross was loved and respected in the black global community. Vandross was gay yet he kept his secret leading all the way to his death. People will say well the black audience didn’t care that Luther was gay we loved him anyway. I disagree. I think the love the black audience had for Luther was not unconditional because if it was he would of come out. I think Luther remained in the closet not just because he feared about losing revenue by coming out but he also feared losing his place within the black community.

Vandross was cognizant that he needed the black heterosexual audience to buy his CDs, concert tickets, DVDs. Vandross also was aware of the fact the white gay community certainly was not a market he could rely on to keep the revenue flowing. Luther had a “don’t ask don’t tell policy” with the black community. I think its so sad that Luther’s life was a tragedy he wasn’t able to really be himself in the public sphere. The black media did ask Luther numerous times in interviews about his sexual orientation and he always either ignored the question or just denied that he was gay. I wonder though would the black community really turn on him? Everyone knew Luther was the “eternal bachelor.” It was the “fear” I think that held Luther back the unknown. In some ways Luther was a sex symbol for some black women he sang songs about heterosexual love. Vandross was the “classy” R&B singer he didn’t sing the bump and grind such as R Kelly and his clones.

Yet when a black entertainer does have the courage to come out the black community and the mainstream white gay community either ignores or disrespects the openly gay/bisexual black artist. Bisexual singer Meshell N’Degeocello has been out for several years although she has never attained the success or respect she so richly deserved. I still believe there was a resistance to her work because she was so brash, bold, and outspoken. Meshell never denied or hid the fact she is bisexual.

When I was coming out as a teenager in the mid 1990s it really helped me a lot to accept my sexuality when I watched Meshell talk about her sexuality and life on Much Music. People that are not black and gay don’t understand what it feels like to be a double or even triple minority.

When K.D. Lang and Melissa Etheridge came out in the 1990s that didn’t register with me because they are white. I just couldn’t relate to them. Yet when I saw this courageous young black woman Meshell N’Degeocello on Much Music talking about her second album the amazing “Peace Beyond Passion” and the song “Leviticus Faggot” it really resonated with me. It meant so much to me to see someone that looked like me on TV that was black and gay. It takes a lot of guts what Meshell did it really does.

Meshell never looked like the typical female black singer she has a shaved head, her music was not just soul it was also rock, funk, pop, maybe even some folk too. Meshell was not a puppet controlled by the record company either. Although Meshell is slim she wasn’t a size two, she didn’t wear the designer clothes but she has a lot of natural talent and is a true multi instrumentalist musician. Meshell was radical in the sense she was proud of her sexual orientation and her blackness.

Meshell has spoken honestly about the pernicious racism, hypocrisy, and bigotry of the mainstream white gay community. When Meshell came out she didn’t receive that much press in the white gay media either. There was an indifference and ambivalence the white gay press had for her because she is black. Meshell let it be known that just because she is bisexual does not mean she didn’t care about black issues or the black community. And some heterosexual black people still believe this fallacy that just because a black person is gay that means we don’t care about black issues and that’s false.

I know for a fact that although there is homophobia in the black community the racism in the mainstream white gay community is so rampant and so obvious. It’s the reason why I couldn’t be bothered with the gay pride events in Toronto, I don’t read the gay newspapers because they never write about issues or things I am interested in. I don’t go to the gay bars in Toronto either.

Some people say Meshell’s music was too ”preachy” meaning too “black” but I loved it! Meshell should of sold millions of albums she should of become a bigger star. Meshell can play several instruments and she also is a very good singer/songwriter. Meshell basically started the “Neo Soul” movement all by herself in 1993 with her first album”Plantation Lullabies.” Yet black heterosexual singers Erykah Badu, Maxwell, and Jill Scott get all the credit. Meshell released five albums on the Maverick label yet not one album went gold or platinum. Meshell never even won a Grammy award. How could such a talented artist be so disrespected? I think part of the reason Meshell wasn’t more successful was because she was honest about her sexual orientation.

I remember when I was sixteen back in the year 1993 and I had the biggest crush on Tevin Campbell I absolutely adored him. A lot of people I talk to these days say they always knew Tevin was gay. I recall rushing home from school and tape recording Tevin’s hit songs “I’m Ready”, “Always in my heart”, “Can we talk” and playing the videos over and over and over again. I just loved him! I still believe Tevin’s second album “I’m Ready” is one of the best R&B albums of the 1990s. Tevin as everyone knows got caught a few years back trying to solicit gay sex with an undercover police officer. Tevin has never officially come out of the closet but its well known he’s gay. Tevin is trying to make a comeback he’s in the musical “Hairspray” and he’s working on a new album. So is Tevin going to be singing about loving a woman when everyone knows he prefers men? I understand the music business is after all a business but shouldn’t music be made from the heart? Why do so many closeted black gay and lesbian singers sing about the opposite sex when everyone knows they are gay?

There are a few black rappers that everybody knows are lesbians yet they will continue saying in the press that they aren’t gay. I mean people aren’t stupid people can put it together. I am not going to mention the names of these black lesbian rappers because anyone that’s paid attention to hip hop music can figure it out.

There are also some black entertainers everyone knows are bisexual or gay yet its another one of those “don’t ask don’t tell” policies. I can understand if the black gay actor was a leading man it could perhaps shatter the mystique the female audience has with this entertainer. I think that could be a reason some of the black gay male actors in Hollywood remain in the closet. Also, there is the issue of being typecast.

I wonder if we will ever be honest with each other? Anyone that’s been to the black church knows there is always the ubiquitous choir director, gay piano player, or gay pastor. Everybody knows somebody that’s gay whether its a realtive or a friend.

The easiest way fans can figure out if an artist is indeed gay is not by what they say but by what the entertainer doesn’t say. Actions speak louder then words. Whenever you read an interview about your favourite black star think to yourself why does this black celebrity never talk about his or her’s love life? Why is the topic off limits during the interview?

Whether people want to admit it or not the public wants a connection with stars. It is the human connection that not only attracts people to the star but also gets people to go see their movies, buy their CDs, DVDs, or got to their concerts. If society is so accepting of homosexuality these days why is there an imbalance in the type of stars coming out and those that remain in the closet?