Interesting Article About South Asian Gay Men In The Star
Although I write a lot about the struggles gay black men endure South Asian men also encounter similar battles with oppression. Black gay men in North America we are visible in popular culture although I find the images and representations are often stereotypical. South Asian men I have noticed are consistently ignored not just by the mainstream but also by North American gay communities.
I was reading an article on the Toronto Star website about South Asian gay men. I like the fact the article isn’t pessimistic or negative. The article is about hope it is about South Asian gay men that desire to connect with other men of their own culture.
I started to think about a close friend of mine he was born in India and he is Canadian citizen. I think he’s lonely sometimes and that he wants to connect with other South Asian gay men. I am black and I don’t speak Hindi, Urdu, Punjabi, or other Indo European languages. I feel at times that maybe I am too foreign for my friend? Maybe I am in the way?
I want my friend to have a connection with other South Asian gay men because I really believe it could boost his self esteem. My friend is shy reserved kind of a person he isn’t outspoken like me. I’ve talked to him about attending various events and groups for South Asian gay men in the Toronto area but he seems indifferent to them. Perhaps he is still shy I don’t know? I am going to ask him about this.
However, he is not out to his family and he also being surreptitiously pressured to marry a woman by his father. I don’t know what that feels like because my parents know I’m gay. I certainly never have been pressured to date the opposite sex because I’m gay and I’m not sexually attracted to women.
Okay, maybe I should take that back. I do have a serious crush on Gabrielle Union!!! If you’ve read my blog you could tell LOL! I also have to admit I find the Williams Sisters to be sexy, and I do think Sanaa Lathan and Kerry Washington are just very sexy and gorgeous! So I cannot say I am totally not attracted to women. But that’s not the purpose of this blog entry so let me get back on track.
My friend he is comfortable with his sexual orientation and his Indian identity. My friend tells me that Indian culture is very patriarchal the man is the breadwinner and the male has to follow the status quo. Being gay and from South Asia is still considered socially unacceptable. I began thinking that in popular culture South Asian men have also been treated as though they are invisible by the gay community and by mainstream society. I think it is great that the Toronto Star article is raising awareness about the lives of South Asian gay men.
I totally agree with the sentiments of the South Asian men in the Toronto Star article about North American gay culture being “cold” it is true. I mean let me be blunt Toronto doesn’t just have cold weather the men are cold too people are soulless here. Its the reason I rarely go the gay bars in Toronto. I mean why bother?
I can’t understand how your friend feels about being pressured into marrying someone not of his choice. However, please urge him not to succumb and mess up the life of another person. It will be hard to stand up to his parents and tell them that he is not ready to marry and to advise them that his love life will be guided by his own choices. He should understand there is a bigger picture, the life of the person. How would he feel if he “married” a man that was a heterosexual and only pretended to be homosexual? This is a far stretch yet the bottom line is the same.
He must be strong. His life is his life.
I don’t think my friend will marry a woman but he is indeed being pressured by his parents to marry a woman. The pressure doesn’t occur every single day but the pressure is there.
Well remember in Indian culture the man is the patriarch there are customs and traditions. My friend is also the only male child in his family so that’s even additional added pressure.
In the Muslim countries, a gay man is compelled to marry a women,since it is the family honour,that will be at stake, if it is known outside that a guy in their family is gay. So they cover it up, and choose a brid efor him and get him married. poor girl,and poor guy too.
My friend is South Asian but he’s not Muslim he’s Hindu. Although I do see your point about family honor. It is true according to my friend the honor of the family is very important.